Once upon a time, I had four kids under the age of four...I have been thinking a lot lately about parenting. I think that during the first few (or several) years of being a mom, I did what I thought made sense, I tried different things with our different kids and adjusted as necessary, and I largely used my own upbringing as a mental guide. (Oh yeah, and I also thought that
my way was definitely the
best way. I've come a long way in getting over that now...) Over the past few years I have started observing more how other people raise their kids and how those kids are turning out; since I have some friends with older teenagers it has been quite interesting to look at the "results" of the way these kids were raised, or at least how I perceive it from the outside. A few years ago I heard about
this lady and was intrigued, and more recently I heard about
this lady. There are so many different way to parent and it's such an interesting subject!
Over the past week or two I have been thinking about it even more, because of some discussions with my sisters & mom about our kids and our ideas about parenting. I have been paying closer attention to the way I treat my kids, the way they speak to Aaron and I, the examples we are setting for them, what types of behavior we let them to get away with, how many decisions we let them make on their own, how often they are punished and/or rewarded, how often I raise my voice (not nearly as much as I used to, thank goodness), how often I say "no," etc.
And I've been thinking about things like, when I went to so much trouble to heat up water on the stove and haul it up the stairs so the kids could have warm baths when our hot water heater was broken, was that a nice thing to do for my kids, or was it spoiling them a little when they could've just toughed it out and taken cold showers? Several years ago I read a blog post where the writer commented on how sweet she thought it was that a neighbor parent carried her child's backback home from the bus stop every day. Labor of love, or making it too easy on the child who needs to learn to work and will have to do much harder things than carry a backpack someday? More recently I read a blog post where the writer allowed her son to get a mohawk haircut, because she had decided to start letting her kids make more of their own decisions; basically all decisions on their own that are not health- or morality-impairing. Is there any right answer on how to do it best?
I don't have any answers, it's just something I've been thinking about. I guess the bottom line is, no parenting style is the best for every family; and even within one family adjustments need to be made for each child. I remember when Noah was about 3 or 4 and I had him all figured out: I knew what motivated him, the best way to discipline, etc. But right around that time Molly became old enough to start disciplining... and I couldn't believe how different she was!! Nothing that I did with Noah worked the same way with Molly. And then of course my little twinners came along, being totally unique and different from each other.
Some days (most days) I am so pleased with the way my kids are turning out. Occasionally, I recognize a problem that I think I could've prevented had I done things differently when they were younger. Some days, I worry about their teen years and beyond, and wonder if they will have the strength to stay on track in the crazy world out there. Most days, I pray for patience and I try to take time to listen to them and help them. Every day, I am thankful that I married such a good man who has turned out to also be such a good dad. I think all we can do is pray for guidance, teach our kids to do the same, try to set a good example, and then work out the details as they come. I've only been a mom for (almost) 11 years, but I'm guessing that the learning & experimenting never ends when it comes to parenting!
I've only done this to my hair a couple times since getting it cut; I got the idea from Stephanie. It's not complicated and my motivation for doing it is just that it's quicker right out of the shower to fix it this way, than to blow-dry & curl it. But I always get several compliments, so I thought I'd share. Just three little buns; twisted up & held w/ bobbie pins. I took this picture at the end of the day; it looked slightly less messy when it was fresh (if you click over to Stephanie's blog you'll see a much neater, fresher version). Did you know it's pretty hard to take a picture of the back of your head?
Lovely, no?
